Good Bye My Dear...

Recently, I am learning a lot about being alone... I am learning how grateful we should when we were surrounded by people - no matter if they are annoying or pleasing..

Yet, when I am learning.. I am 'losing' one guy for unknown reason, but I was too afraid to ask why. Again, I let it pass...

Last night, I went to the church for the special event on pentecost. Once I am home, I am 'dead' - well.. actually did watch the tele for a couple of minutes on NAT GEO, about the documentation on airplane crash in Indonesia few years ago... and the odd thing is the show shoot the grief from the family of the victims.

*I was actually thinking at the time, how would I react if I was one of them (the family)*

Until this morning (Saturday, 26 May 2007), I received the text message from my mom and there was the shocking news. It was our family bediende - and I will call her as the family assistant from now on - passed away at dawn. For unknown reason, she did pass away with heavy headache - she was in pain and it the most hurting part for me. The family called my mom and said that the burial was on the same day at 11.30 local time.

Honestly, it is a terrible day for me. I am lost... I am just a lost duck... I cannot think properly... just that it is so consuming me because she is as healthy (seems to me) as anyone can be.... The other issue is because she is about to get married in less than a week - How unfair life can be...

I was actually planning to call her these days... (before the wedding) to congratulate her.. that she must be very happy...and we just talk as always... but then I have to work on my thesis... and suddenly this all happened.

I asked God, why? I don't get any answer yet...
Yet, one thing I immediately learn...heard this many times.. but never hit me, until today....

do not put what you can do today until tomorrow, coz maybe tomorrow you are too late.

I am still asking God... and really realise how short life can be...

I am definitely going to miss her... she means a lot to me and my family... she is not just a family assistant as she is our family. For fourteen years she has been with us, never ever she fails my family. She was standing out against people who says or treat us badly. She did her best to keep my family convenient. She was there when I was not able to be there for my family, and she was the one who always cry (out of my core family) when I am home and leaving the city where I born, Surabaya. She might mean nothing to any of you, but she does mean something for our family.
My deep and eternal gratitude to you, Wasis. Hope that we will meet again someday...


with deep condolence,
The Ansari's family


May you rest in peace,
Wasis
26 May 2007

Early Bed-time, Cold Morning

Hellow fellow... (reminds me of Jeffry Go! hehehe)

This morning, our Business-Society Management (BSM) group supposed to have a meeting at around 10.00 AM. Yet, for some reason I arrived on time! *I do sometimes have time-management problem, and I am working on it - made a promise already lar!* We, Ester, Randy, Arifin and me, was then end up sitting on the L-canteen and discussing about how early bed-time I had in this three days.

Well, the fact is on the first day I was feeling unwell,
the next day was very tired,
and this evening I was granted to be home early by the workload

A few days ago, Alstair, Miki and I were discussing about waking up early. According to Alstair's and Miki's LaoBa, by waking up early, you are one-step-ahead from the other people. In other words, in business term, you probably get more customer - as you are in the market earlier - and that basically do not let your blessing to be stolen. I was then convert this view to uni-study term. This morning was the testimonial. About 4.30 AM, I did wake up early and had my devotion time til 5.30 AM. For some reason, I felt more 'useful' as I was being productive earlier.

I have to admit that during the day, I need three cups of coffee
(I think it's just my body need to learn to adjust the new schedule)

Randy, then, told us that we need three weeks to make new changes (eating, sleeping, or studying) become a habit.

*I am now challenging myself to have early bed-time and wake up early each day*

Today, I start earlier! As I went to bed at pretty much 18.00

*ok, this is too early I know! - but my first intention is just to take a nap. Yet, the weather is just so cold and really holding you in its arm! (climate change is really happening!!!)*

and awake at 3 AM, I am now blogging and planning to continue my study and research. Hehehe... so, see I am being productive. Besides, I need to be alone when it comes to being productive.

Also, I was thinking to buy an iPod. I need music to make myself in my-own-world when I need to concentrate in school. Should I?? I have no money larrrr!!!

Right, it's soooo cold now.. huh!!! I am going to move my ass now!!! So, wish you all a good day ok! Remember to have faith (and believe in yourself) even there it seems to be nothing to hang on! He provides you!

Ciaoooo

Meeting 'old' Friend

This morning I wake up pretty late (almost noon) - that's because me and Alstair had a 'fun' quality time *I often use quality-time as serious but fun chat* last night. It actually started with my msn nick name that basically says:

"I need chicken TALK!!!! talk, Talk, TAlk, TALk, and TALK!!!"

Seriously, I am soooooo bored! I am so in need to talk!!! It doesn't mean I have nothing to do, but just a chicken talk... Randy and Steph has been very helpful the night before, but I need more than a-cup-of-ice-cream-with-baileys session. *Just found out that it taste goooood* then, the "chicken talk" syndrome require more on the next day.

My other friend in Amsterdam - who probably desperately listening to me - is recently busy with family reunion visits. I did send him a text, but he replied busy. Fine... so there we go, a "chicken talk" with Alstair. *somehow, though he can be annoying, he is actually sweet and tender hihihi* ehm... i mean.. he is really a good guy.

I spent the early afternoon with updating stuff, checking email, taking care on bachelor thesis survey, and working on IMR assignment 3. I received a phone call from my-ex vriend, and we went out for coffee. Sometime, I need to listen to what he says. He is a typical Dutch person who really have the-sky-is-the-limit dream, and try to make it come true. I do envy him as somehow his dream did come true - and it makes him feel complete! To me, I don't give a **** (hahaha, if you think about sth bad, that's your problem, that's why I put on *, hahaha) about his religion or whatever he believes on, but the possitive attitude and the ability to dream is the only thing that really need to be nailed down on my head! Honestly, I am glad to meet him. I do need encouragement lately...

Just now I arrived.... I meet Okta in msn, and we talk a lot... the only thing I remember is 'give thanks' She told me about a wretch that living in her surrounding. I am glad that I am online. She seems really in need for encouragement. *Thank you God, for the quality time we had*

My point is just give thanks. No matter how miserable you life now or maybe unable to have faith on, just hanging there... have a little faith in Him. Nothings is useless... you'll see it soon...

Have a nice day...

(a pile of paper waiting... *no complain!!!* just sing it... lala lili lala lili...)

and the chickend has talked :D