A Fear's Shade

To be honest with you all... I have so many things that I would like to unfold... from philosophical view to just a thought of someone or something... but again, I am not as persistent as I hope to be *help me*

Ok.. I think I will just blog the recent meaningful talk I had with one of my best-and proud to be his friend-lad, Mr. SY *which again... a lot!!!* Ok.. decided! We were talking about the grade of worries. Listen, you might find this cliche, but hey, trust me, you will learn something.

My lad is only at his early 20. Yet, the way he thinks sometimes amaze me! *considering the stereotype that woman always grown up faster than a man ;) * He told me that sometime at night he would just think what best for him to do. Going back to Indo and start a new business there... or in the other hand, stay in Europe and yeah... work with a company. He also said that he dreamed about having his own company and be back in Indo. The conversation then goes beyond working... it reaches family matters... and finally it touches our deepest fear and long-life anxiety, the future...

I, in the same way, was experiencing the same. At my early 20, I had a couple of sleepless night where I start worrying things like: What am I going to do after my internship? What if I couldn't payback my tuition fee during my study abroad later? What if I disappointed my parents? and another thousand of "what if" questions.

Long story short, my lad told me how he tries to read a lot of book lately, be it investment, strategy, money making... just anything that will help him to be the future successful young man, with a beautiful wife that fear the Lord - and blessed with some cute and beautiful kids. Just like the way anyone could dream of... even me as a woman will think the same - If I were a man hehehe:)

*Come on!!!
Who doesn't want to have a beautiful wife??? Then he is a dumb ;)
Sorry, a man should have a dream to keep on living*

Yet, after reading couple books, the world wisdom, he acknowledged that still the best way to decipher the future is by laying our fear unto God. *yes, praying*

I agreed him instantly! Yet, before long, I asked my self, but what sort of prayer my God? I mean I see people are praying for A, B, and C *and perhaps until Z* but I was not like them - not even close! I mean, I did pray... but things that bugging me, I tend to reject and stop thinking about it at once. *That's why I've never took it serious into prayer - which is of course that's doesn't solve the problem*

Surprisingly, in the mid of our conversation, this young lad come up with the most simple fact on the earth. *Really, a man should learn the way his mind digest* He came up with a conclusion.

"....(dadadada).... yeah.. but, why should we fear? Look, as far as I can see, my God has provided me the best one. I want an A, he give me B and C too. I wish for an 8, he shows me 8-and-a-half. I request for enough food, he brings me plenty! Whatever I have ever wish for, he fulfilled it more than I had expected. Thus, in that way, I guess another special needs like a God-fearful wife and future wealth would be a piece of cake too, wouldn't it?"

*I felt like slapped with a tender kiss*

Hoohohohohoho.... my my... I just realized that it is so true... damn true!!! The fact that I was so eager to study abroad when I was a 14 years old teenage girl, fulfilled. The wish that I could go to a better school, given! The opportunity that comes only once, prepared for me! I mean... gosh, where the hell have I been??? *slap slap* Every path in my life was being care so much that even when there is a hole, he has prepared an alternative way for me...

*Oh Lord, really.. who am I that you are mindful of me...*


epilogue

I like the way David, the king over Israel - a man that blessed with a genuine heart, prays:

Then King David went in and sat before the LORD, and he said:
"Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign LORD, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign LORD ?

II Samuel 7:18-19

If God could leave me a comment, he must have said:
"Off course... what else?"


Merry Christmas to you all... really sorry for the late posting...
Enjoy the Christmas and the holiday...

I miss my family... so much... so much...

HEROES the series

My friend is reading my blog!!! hahahha:)

Ok.. it's not that I am sooo good, but the fact that there is someone who's willing to read my writings - the unnecessary or unimportant thought of mine - makes me feels good! hahaha:)

Frankly, I have nothings to write yet...

I started to watch HEROES yesterday. *Everyone told me that it is different than other series*
I personally think it is NO 'different' in term of story line (flashback, future and then current storey line), but it was different on the concept of story. Again, I am not a good movie/ book reviewer - yet, love to watch/ read - and still I think it is "double V" *Very Very lar!* series.

Strangely, I had a dream about it this morning.

If you have not watch the series, there is one of the heroes named Niki Sanders (cast: Ali Larter) who is a Las Vegas stripper, struggling to make ends meet to support her young son, discovers that her mirror image has a secret. (source: http://www.nbc.com/Heroes/about/)
I will not spoil the story here - so check it out yourself!

In my dream, Niki was controlled by Jessica and killed DL (Her husband) merciless. I don't dare to describe because it is a brutal homicide *that even made me moaned for a minute maybe... Gosh!!!* I suddenly awake and really scared!!! I am glad it is 8 AM already.. still never ever thought that such a great movie could hit me. *Maybe I have a high imagination... *

Last Saturday, I went to Amel's huis. **She is like a sister to me** Both of us are coming from the same city no wonder I can talk much to her without worrying her being bored, judgemental or sth - hahaha;)

To be honest, it was a long talking day and hope that I have more time "digging her up" - hahaha:D

Too much to talk that I don't even know how to pour it into writings. **Wait, where is my pink NOTEBOOK!!??!** I guess I really need to plan it properly first before write it

Ok ok.. I need to find some stuffs now and I need to take shower...

See... I told you I don't know what I am writing now... I just feel want to write sth... hahaha:D

Sorry... next time better ok ;)

Oh, good news, I got my hoogslaper - what's in English?!? LOVE it!!! Planning to build it up on coming Saturday!


Ciao

A kiss from You - my request

Lord, this is the gift that I long for

staying in a sun-kissed meadow

watching a blue-sky-roofed

shrouding myself in mist

yet at the same time...

thanking You ad invinitum

Picture courtesy of Audifax

PS: I really want to see it myself...

Someday We'll know

Ninety miles outside Chicago

Can’t stop driving I don’t know why

So many questions, I need an answer

Two years later you're still on my mind

Whatever happened to Amelia Earheart?

Who holds the stars up in the sky?

Is true love just once in a lifetime?

Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Oh, Someday we’ll know

If love can move a mountain

Someday we’ll know

Why the sky is blue

Someday we’ll know

Why I wasn’t meant for you...

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?

Or what the wind says when she cries?

I’m speeding by the place that I met you

For the ninety-seventh time..

Tonight

Someday we’ll know

If love can move a mountain

Someday we’ll know

Why the sky is blue

Someday we’ll know

Why I wasn’t meant for you...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we’ll know

Why Samson loved Dalilah?

One day I'll go

Dancing on the moon

Someday you’ll know

That I was the one for you....

Open up the world...

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow

Watched the stars crash in the sea

If I can ask God just one question

Why aren’t you here with me tonight?

Oh, Someday we’ll know

If love can move a mountain

Someday we’ll know

Why the sky is blue

Someday we’ll know

Why I wasn’t meant for you...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we’ll know

Why Samson loved Dalilah

One day I'll go

Dancing on the moon

Someday you’ll know

That I was the one for you....

On my way back from Amsterdam *it was pretty late really* I decided to put on some accompanying musics. It was not my intention to choose this song, but what this song says is almost close to what I felt a.t.m.

I read a book titled Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. I have to say it is a very good book. A recommended book to all women. I am not a good reviewer, but what I learned is a feminist heart is offering a true heart which including risking herself being vulnerable to others and offer her trueself. It's like you are learning to love somebody or something unconditionally - which all of us know that's only God himself is able to do so.

I, then, think about someone which keep lingering around my head. (S)he - this is what I hate in english. You are unable to mention somebody with "it" for a pronoun, either "he" or "she" - is actually the same person as I had mention earlier post. I have to say that I cannot just disregard (s)he. Somewhere deep in my heart I keep placing a little prayer and hope on (s)he. Funny isn't it? Though with all the resentment against (s)he, it seems that my feminist heart starting to work. I used to pray and ask God

"Lord, if it is possible, could you please take this "burden" away. The person may not even "feel" anything anyway. Why should I bother? "

but my pastor teach us this way:

"When your heart is pondering and your mind is thinking about somebody, bring it to a prayer"

It would probably not bring any result instantly, but the fact that you actually have heart for this person is actually really great - in fact you actually already love somebody unconditionally. Isn't it cool?!? You are unconciously giving an unconditional love.

Frankly, my tears drops everytime I think about this... I dare not say I am a holy and superlative. Yet, I am a passionate person who definitely wanted to living extraordinary days with just an ordinary deeds. Is it that hard?

Oh btw, I am thinking about having my hair cut, but not sure what sort of style. Besides, having it cut short might not be a good idea as the weather is really does not look like a summer. Gosh... I miss my first couple of year in here...

PS: Miss you badly... I wish I had the courage :)

I Cannot Remember You - wow~~

Ok, you might wondering what this title means...

It means a lot to me!

I was in the middle of reading an 'interesting' ** it's in quotes** book called Cross-Cultural Competence for one of my exams **oh yes, it does make me crossed!** when I suddenly cannot picture clearly a person face! This is surprised me as this kind of thing has never happened to me - especially if this person left some footprints in my life.

To some extent, I did feel surprise but also happy. Really... weird... but lovely... (thank God, this is what I need)

Other things happens too... but it is too long to be writen in one blog. **I'll try to make it in series later** hihihi...

Facts:

• Mijn huisgenooten zijn verliefd - hate them to abandon me like this!!! hahahha:P
  
• Ik heb 3 tentamens voor de komende week - enjoying it....
  
• en daarna 4 tentamens
• Mijn God is geweldig and buitengewoon over de kennismigrant - love You!
• Mijn ex-manager biedt een stage - hope can have it!
  

Ok, my Dutch is not perfect but I am thinking to study it hard! Help me to improve!

Tot volgende keer pals!

Paqi

Endure

Yesterday, Arifin reminded us about the possibility of heavy rain with some lightning by midnight. Well, it did not happen, but there was some lightning though...

This afternoon was very hot! Both me and Ester are thinking to undress ourself, but considering
there is a number of boys around the house, I think it would not be a wise idea!

*sjonge jonge! A flash of lightning just happened together with its thunderclap!*

Alstair, Miki and Arifin came by as we have a meeting for the B-SM paper! The meeting did not last for long, besides it was too hot that none of us would like to do anything. We make a quick meeting and divide the work. Hopefully, by the end of this week everything is completed.

Since I just had a bed rest for a day due to catching cold, I spent at least one hour to take a nap this afternoon. Miki and Alstair cook Asperges with some chicken - won't comment much on the rice hahaha :D. Thank God that I have some friends around when I was ill. I recalled how suffer it was when I have to get up from my bed just to feed myself with some food and medicine - which actually you feel pain all over your body. Thank you Lord!

A few days ago - or maybe weeks/months maybe - I was kind of in denial. It was a very light denial, but still I am living in denial and I hate that! I am actually not sure if it is wise to tell you the story, but in brief it was about somebody who 'left' unnoticed. To make it short, the case was about your responsibility towards a person... and my denial was:

• ah... (s)he is too busy to make a call
• (s)he has promised sth before... I am sure (s)he remember it...
• maybe... (s)he knew that I was in a busy period and being nice not to disturb
• with all the bladi bladi bla bla....

hahaha... turns out that I was wrong. Look, I did not blame anyone but I am just wondering if this was nice or kind way to be a friend.

Yet from all the issues I had, I am happy that I met this person. (S)He taught me a lot - but I was not able to say thank you. I have always believed that anyone Lord allows to pass in my life will bring up something good in my life - you know it as "Everything happens for a reason". It is so true.

The point that I learn is how short life could be and that each of us plays a role in this life. Everyone of us is not JUST HAPPENED to be in this path, but we HAVE a REASON to be in that path. Since last year, I followed a bible study from my church and ever since I see God speaks to me. I am not sure if I have ever write about my prayers, but one of my commitment on prayer is asking God to give me the heart of an obedient disciple.

As time goes by, I did see how the standard of my personal life has been changed dramatically. I remember the word of endures - which was lately nailed down by several people surrounding me. When this 'irresponsible' issue come out, I am sort of wow... this is the TRUE meaning of endures.

**Ok... I did not mean that I had never got the point of endures, but this time it teaches me to endures**

and let me quote it directly from my devotion article:

Endure comes from the Greek word hupomeno. Hupo translates "to bear up under a weight or a burden."Meno means "to continue or remain." To continue to bear up under the weight of difficulties does not give the impression of running away or changing circumstances. It paints a picture of staying the course in complete submission, and obedience to Jesus.

(June 5, Our Journey, RBC ministry 2007)

The orange highlighted sentence is what strikes me most! A few hours before I read that article, I was struggling on if I need to act on this issue... of course there is pro/contra on my idea.. but at the end it's about my choice. My question that pop up in my head was "but.. If I don't act on this issue, (s)he would not get how unkind (s)he was! It is like me asking God I want a good mark and please help me in the exams without doing any efforts" I then pray to the Lord and ask for His wisdom - and He gave me that quotes!

This is also the one of the coolest verse in the bible:
Romans 12: 19-21
19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

(thanks Randy for reminding me... four thumbs up for our friendship)

Well, I have more nothing to say besides I thank you Lord for your loyalty, fairness and love. Again, my prayer is to live according to your word, loving you more and more each day till the end of my life, and be the woman of God. Did you know that this person also taught me to be the woman of God! It's amazing, isn't it?

Keep your heart close to the Lord, his love and wisdom shall shine upon you!
TRUST Him in all times!

I will talk about the my view on woman soon... hopefully after my exams elapsed!

Have a nice day!

Paqi

Good Bye My Dear...

Recently, I am learning a lot about being alone... I am learning how grateful we should when we were surrounded by people - no matter if they are annoying or pleasing..

Yet, when I am learning.. I am 'losing' one guy for unknown reason, but I was too afraid to ask why. Again, I let it pass...

Last night, I went to the church for the special event on pentecost. Once I am home, I am 'dead' - well.. actually did watch the tele for a couple of minutes on NAT GEO, about the documentation on airplane crash in Indonesia few years ago... and the odd thing is the show shoot the grief from the family of the victims.

*I was actually thinking at the time, how would I react if I was one of them (the family)*

Until this morning (Saturday, 26 May 2007), I received the text message from my mom and there was the shocking news. It was our family bediende - and I will call her as the family assistant from now on - passed away at dawn. For unknown reason, she did pass away with heavy headache - she was in pain and it the most hurting part for me. The family called my mom and said that the burial was on the same day at 11.30 local time.

Honestly, it is a terrible day for me. I am lost... I am just a lost duck... I cannot think properly... just that it is so consuming me because she is as healthy (seems to me) as anyone can be.... The other issue is because she is about to get married in less than a week - How unfair life can be...

I was actually planning to call her these days... (before the wedding) to congratulate her.. that she must be very happy...and we just talk as always... but then I have to work on my thesis... and suddenly this all happened.

I asked God, why? I don't get any answer yet...
Yet, one thing I immediately learn...heard this many times.. but never hit me, until today....

do not put what you can do today until tomorrow, coz maybe tomorrow you are too late.

I am still asking God... and really realise how short life can be...

I am definitely going to miss her... she means a lot to me and my family... she is not just a family assistant as she is our family. For fourteen years she has been with us, never ever she fails my family. She was standing out against people who says or treat us badly. She did her best to keep my family convenient. She was there when I was not able to be there for my family, and she was the one who always cry (out of my core family) when I am home and leaving the city where I born, Surabaya. She might mean nothing to any of you, but she does mean something for our family.
My deep and eternal gratitude to you, Wasis. Hope that we will meet again someday...


with deep condolence,
The Ansari's family


May you rest in peace,
Wasis
26 May 2007

Early Bed-time, Cold Morning

Hellow fellow... (reminds me of Jeffry Go! hehehe)

This morning, our Business-Society Management (BSM) group supposed to have a meeting at around 10.00 AM. Yet, for some reason I arrived on time! *I do sometimes have time-management problem, and I am working on it - made a promise already lar!* We, Ester, Randy, Arifin and me, was then end up sitting on the L-canteen and discussing about how early bed-time I had in this three days.

Well, the fact is on the first day I was feeling unwell,
the next day was very tired,
and this evening I was granted to be home early by the workload

A few days ago, Alstair, Miki and I were discussing about waking up early. According to Alstair's and Miki's LaoBa, by waking up early, you are one-step-ahead from the other people. In other words, in business term, you probably get more customer - as you are in the market earlier - and that basically do not let your blessing to be stolen. I was then convert this view to uni-study term. This morning was the testimonial. About 4.30 AM, I did wake up early and had my devotion time til 5.30 AM. For some reason, I felt more 'useful' as I was being productive earlier.

I have to admit that during the day, I need three cups of coffee
(I think it's just my body need to learn to adjust the new schedule)

Randy, then, told us that we need three weeks to make new changes (eating, sleeping, or studying) become a habit.

*I am now challenging myself to have early bed-time and wake up early each day*

Today, I start earlier! As I went to bed at pretty much 18.00

*ok, this is too early I know! - but my first intention is just to take a nap. Yet, the weather is just so cold and really holding you in its arm! (climate change is really happening!!!)*

and awake at 3 AM, I am now blogging and planning to continue my study and research. Hehehe... so, see I am being productive. Besides, I need to be alone when it comes to being productive.

Also, I was thinking to buy an iPod. I need music to make myself in my-own-world when I need to concentrate in school. Should I?? I have no money larrrr!!!

Right, it's soooo cold now.. huh!!! I am going to move my ass now!!! So, wish you all a good day ok! Remember to have faith (and believe in yourself) even there it seems to be nothing to hang on! He provides you!

Ciaoooo

Meeting 'old' Friend

This morning I wake up pretty late (almost noon) - that's because me and Alstair had a 'fun' quality time *I often use quality-time as serious but fun chat* last night. It actually started with my msn nick name that basically says:

"I need chicken TALK!!!! talk, Talk, TAlk, TALk, and TALK!!!"

Seriously, I am soooooo bored! I am so in need to talk!!! It doesn't mean I have nothing to do, but just a chicken talk... Randy and Steph has been very helpful the night before, but I need more than a-cup-of-ice-cream-with-baileys session. *Just found out that it taste goooood* then, the "chicken talk" syndrome require more on the next day.

My other friend in Amsterdam - who probably desperately listening to me - is recently busy with family reunion visits. I did send him a text, but he replied busy. Fine... so there we go, a "chicken talk" with Alstair. *somehow, though he can be annoying, he is actually sweet and tender hihihi* ehm... i mean.. he is really a good guy.

I spent the early afternoon with updating stuff, checking email, taking care on bachelor thesis survey, and working on IMR assignment 3. I received a phone call from my-ex vriend, and we went out for coffee. Sometime, I need to listen to what he says. He is a typical Dutch person who really have the-sky-is-the-limit dream, and try to make it come true. I do envy him as somehow his dream did come true - and it makes him feel complete! To me, I don't give a **** (hahaha, if you think about sth bad, that's your problem, that's why I put on *, hahaha) about his religion or whatever he believes on, but the possitive attitude and the ability to dream is the only thing that really need to be nailed down on my head! Honestly, I am glad to meet him. I do need encouragement lately...

Just now I arrived.... I meet Okta in msn, and we talk a lot... the only thing I remember is 'give thanks' She told me about a wretch that living in her surrounding. I am glad that I am online. She seems really in need for encouragement. *Thank you God, for the quality time we had*

My point is just give thanks. No matter how miserable you life now or maybe unable to have faith on, just hanging there... have a little faith in Him. Nothings is useless... you'll see it soon...

Have a nice day...

(a pile of paper waiting... *no complain!!!* just sing it... lala lili lala lili...)

and the chickend has talked :D

The day you (all) went away...

... after all there always comes another quite day... and that is why I hate to say goodbye...

Events
*Steve and Moniq went back to Hamburg
*Mell went back to Bonn

I have to say that I hate when time to say goodbye comes.
I do love to meet my old friends - esp. besties... and also new people, but when a 'meeting' brings joy or moments that might not be created by other people... then it sucks!

As you probably know, Mell is my best friend since HS. This time she visited me to just check out keukenhof and being my 'maid' for a couple of days... It was lovely... though we were unable to talk a lot - due to exhaustion, we do speak language of friendship.

Steve and Moniq are friends that I know from Mell, but we do click in number of hours at the first time. This time they visit me *for the first time* and check out how my life is in Holland

*I am so happy that they have the occasion to come and visit me*

Meet a new friend already in Rotterdam, namely Wesley. He is a friend of Moniq and he is sarcastic - I love him!!! hahahha:D *in the sence that there is finally a sarcastic person - which is the way of joking I always think as the funniest*

(honestly, a.t.m. I am totally sleepy and exhausted)

The four of us went to Amsterdam - walking all the day long until 'pengkor', the next day we went to Zaanschans and Keukenhof - in which unknown guy tries to piss me off, and the last journey was all the day in Rotterdam. It's a kind of too short for a vacation but it was nice.

On the last day, we all went to Cubic house - this is one of the main attraction for tourist when they come to visit Rotterdam. Another place could be the Euromas, the 11th communication tower in this world, but we did not make it there. For the first time in my life, I ate poffertjes. I never feel attracted to eat due to the sugar powder on it pluss the extra butter. Yet, I try it with my Germany mates!

We go around the city with my stupidity of wearing med-highheels! *Pardon me, I had a nice summer shoes, but never had the chance to wear it* I thought I will have a go - but turn out that I am hurting me own feet! Dumb!
At about 16.32, Steve and Moniq's train was leaving us heading to North of the Country while Mell's leaved at 16.48 heading to South. *There we were remaining in the centraal station: Wesley, myself and Steph* Getting confused what to do, we just go to Burger King and I had a Hot Brownies with Ice. Yummy!!! Feeling hungry, we walked towards Rafaello, an Italian Restaurant where Wesley recommend us to go and try. I had a plate of Tagliatella alla Salmonela (sort of Tagliatella with Salmon) and it was ok *for a price of EUR 6.95* At the end of the day, we arrived home at about 19.30 and I am totally die....

Yet, one thing that is weird... I felt alone... sad... and 'lost'

I dunno why... but I did say so to Steph and even a.t.m. I am in his room just for the sake of not being alone in my room *I did feel very sleepy and tired though*
Well, I guess I should end this now... my eyes is getting sticky... I know I have not blog for a number of months (read: years), but pardon me for my tight schedule. As soon as I 'make' the time, I will post you in much details. I will try to post some picture soon.

Ciao

Fast and Furious

literally means: describes something that is full of speed and excitement

First of all, sorry for ignoring you all... really, it was not my intention to do so.. but this school things really capture me. Yet, at the same time, time flies... a month already....
Being a month away and not sharing any good (or even bad) news gives a very terrible feeling... especially when I could not just shout out my days to you...

Today, I was really blessed by the people surrounding me. Starting with got a lift *is this a true phrase?* from Robby - otherwise I would have arrived in the church at 15.00, in which the service start at 14.00!!! (Thank you Lord for sending us an angel-kind-hearted guy like him)

I also enjoy the service of today from Rev. Viktor D. Faraknimella about remaining strong in this life. Meeting some friends which I might have not spoken with him/ her for ages due to my study... yet, the sadness thing was when I have to realise that Okta, my-friend-in-sad-or-happy, is going to leave NL soon... We have a great fellowship dinner in Cheung Wing - full of babi panggang, chicken soya, dimsum.. hmm.. lekker!!! *have not eaten a proper food lately* and of course lots of picture :D

The most exciting part of today was when I am home by 23.45 - due to overslept in the train and the very nice and cosy NS trein brought me to Dordrecht... *hahahaha* My folks reminded me before, yet I just take it as a funny thing - which in fact really happening *again..hahahhaa*
Steph and Randy were home already... and they laugh about my overslept story... :)

Yesterday, I was desperately looking for chocolate... I finished Randy's and desperately looking for one!!! Just now... I fell the same... thought of going to avondwinkel (night/evening shops) to buy some, but it was cold and windy outside... makes me think twice to satisfy this 'chocolate addict' syndrome. Here come another angel-kind-hearted guy!!! Steph comes out from his room saying that he wants to go to avondwinkel - wow!!! Chocolate is really coming true!!! hahahha

My point is somewhat... we never know how 'ordinary' moment or events can mean that much... Lately, I learn about giving thanks to whatever your situation is... sad... happy... confuse... unable to believe perhaps... I experience how 'Give thanks' gives a different feeling compare to grumbling or complaining attitude. I have to say I am happier in the sense of I can feel how my Mighty Lord really take care of my needs (friends, trust, love, care - you name it!!!)

I also learn about loving my Lord much more... today's broadcast of Joel Osteen and Ed Young also talk about giving thanks and happiness. So, Lord.. my only prayer is: please give me a heart of worship, obedience, and love you even more each day. I know You already a step-ahead from what I need to face. Love you more each day....

Good day everyone!!!

When Grey's taken over Bees

For this posting, since it is special, I will leave my current condition or activity behind... and yes, this title may intrigue you at some point... :D

At the moment I wrote this post, I had Grey's Anatomy video clip played. To be honest with you, I really love this TV shows. I did not get bored for those hospitality things - really! The doctors were cute, smart, and charming. I definitely melt if I was one of the patience patient- and probably begging them to marry me :D hahaha

No no... the reason I am writing this post is because Grey's really help me forgetting the Bees. Bees that I meant here is actually boys. I have to say that lately I am so sensitive about this topic. No special reasons, but it is more about a self defence - If I may say.... Ok, bees are actually not that scary, but may cause a problem or even a confusion. I should not think that complicated, but I am really in the phase of defencing.. so my opinion may not count as objective... again, it is a subjective point of view... I warn you already ok?

I think each of us (girls mostly) always have this - coming story - sort of drama of life, a story of being chase when you were not in the mood of playing any peek a boo. Yup, I am talking about when bees are around the flower for some honey or just checking you around. I or we can choose to be taken, seen or sucked... but once you decide to be a single, it was not that easy to avoid the bees... to be honest.

Yet, to my utter shocks, I can just forget those bees in a secs by watching my charming McDreamy!! can you believe that??? It is just because of Grey's anatomy - I can thank them no more. Now.. I can focus on my study :D hihihihi

Well, other things to share, I went to Tai Wu with Miki, Xiao Sen and Gunadi. It's like almost years that we have not been going out. Happy!!!



This is some pictures of us. I was also told that I was looking good today for which I did not do any efforts - amazing! mwahahaha:D


Enjoy the day, should start on my study instead... nutsy nutsy sisca...

The First Blog of the Year

(sitting on my desk, enjoying the early morning - as I decided to stay awake)

Good morning everyone

So, how is your holidays? (I had a terrific one), hope your christmas hols was as fabulous as mine and my friend - as well as your new years.

Mine was absolutely wonderful. I went from 25 December 2006 till 6 January 2007. I went to Hannover, Hamburg, Berlin, Milano and Venezia. The last two cities was out of my original plan - which also mean that out of my budget. Hehehehe :) but really, it was exactly what I need. SO nothing to regret.

Hannover was the first city of my journey. I met Mellisa Sudjono (my classmate in HS) over there and stays at her friend's apt (Nadia) - many thanks for the host, Nad. We stay about three night over there and went to Hamburg on the 28th. Of course the best things of all my journey is meeting new friends. I met Stefanus, Aya, Kayako, Yoyo and Ari. Aya and Kayako is Japanese. While Stefanus and Ari is Indonesian. Yoyo is my special one! She is Korean - which I have always dreamt for on having Korean friend and learning the language - and being totally funny and nice. Stefanus and Ari were nice too, but since they are male, I was not clicked that fast. Still, they are really nice to show me around. I also met Endang and her husband, her children Lizzie and Daniel (they are Indo and so sweet and cute) - unfortunately no pictures was taken with them,

*Picture: Mit Yoyo and Mell*

On the morning of 28th I went to Hamburg by train and picked up by Steve (another friend of Mellisa). We stayed in his room in Hamburg and hang out with him for almost of the time. He is totally nice and come from the same city (Surabaya) as we do!!! Woooha!!! Then on the last day in Hamburg we went for cocktail drinks in a place , and met more friends: Eddy, Sarah+bf and Stefan, another two guys (but forgotten the name - sorry). We were about to meet again in Berlin on the new years eve in Berlin.

with Steve and Mell on the bridge to Stad huis, Hamburg

So, arrive in Berlin on the 30th. We stayed in an Hostel near the Zoological Garten. Nice place but Mell's stuff got stolen. Well, I guess no need to mention what was stolen but it has been a lesson for both of us.

New Years Eve
Dunnot remember how many of us, but we went to Brandenburger Tor where all people will gather and count down together. Again we chilled with the Hamburg-ers hehehe :) and it was fun!!! Another friends were there - I am sorry I was not so good in names, so please forgive me if you was not mentioned - to name are: Dus (the tour guide), Monique (Steve's sista), Antie, two other guys (really I am so sorry), and the rest is the Hamburg-ers. We walked together and spent the time together. It was about 3.30 AM that we got back to the hostel. We were hoping to chill in with the rest, but we have to leave early in the morning as we have to catch the flight to Milano.

New Years 2007
So, new years was spent on two places!!! cool!!! - Never ever thought that I would be able to do this!!! - Germany and Italy :) hehehehe
We actually arrived late in Milano, but still have some time to check around the city on that night and the next day. On my last day in Milano, I met my friend Paolo. We and his friends went for dinner - pictures will be attached below.







Here is after the dinner - they are really nice.








The next day we went to Venezia by train. It took about 3hours by train but trust me worth it!!! hahahhahaha :)
Venezia is really city on water, a lagoon!!! Definitely a recommended city to be visited. If you are Catholic, you might love this city. You really can feel the atmosphere, but again it is more than San Marco Basilica. I personally think that the Basilica was not that 'great' but of course it is not a realiable opinion as I might have too much sightseeing when I was in Germany I believe it supposed to be worth seeing things. Other nice churches is the Santa Maria del Salute - it is sweet from the outside.

Oh, one great things of all, they have a season where the Piazza de San Marco (San Marco Square) will be flooded by the sea and gondola can just past by in front of it. Isn't it cool? It happens when they have a high tide and was told only happens in autumn. So, mark your autumn calender that Venezia could be your next holiday destination. It actually happens for almost 1500 years already.. so nothing to worry.

Besides the churches, Venezia is famous for the Carnaval Mask. If you watch the movie of Casanova, then it's just exactly like that. I bought two masks, blue and red. I'll see if I can post any picture of it. Also, no underground like Milano, only vaporetto (the water bus) that operates like a small boat. Nice though...

with mell on the bridge to Academia

From Venice we headed back to Hannover on the 5th and the next day I went back to Rotterdam. Again, on the way back home met another German guy, Jannis. Nice guys and we are friends now. So, I guess that's all for my story.

Guys, I hope your new year is full of blessed!! All the best ok! Keep in faith and ciao yo!!!!

PaQi